I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
