I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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