I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
