the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
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Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
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She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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