Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
