Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
