curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
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I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
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Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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