Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
