Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
