All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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