I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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