I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
