I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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