He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just want nice things and good sex
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
