to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
