this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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