im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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