Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
