is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
