none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
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