Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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