I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize