Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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