you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
