Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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