im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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