No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize