she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
