I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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