my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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