What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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