I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
