Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
