he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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