At least make sure they are 18
Why
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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