ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
