you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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