Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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