You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Too much gin, very little bucket
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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