he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
