Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
