loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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