i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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