I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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