But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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