I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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