Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
