remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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