dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
