Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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