I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize