I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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