WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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