just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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