youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
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I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
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the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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