wanna go halves on a baby?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
