are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dick very happy bro
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
