Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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