sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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