You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
