If i come over, it means nothing
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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