We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize