Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
