Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
