Whod you bang
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
