you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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