i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
