not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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