Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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