i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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