Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
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